Sayings That Sting: "It's Not You, It's Me"

Ahhh the age old excuse for ending a relationship that has gone no where, will go nowhere, or went somewhere and gave you nightmares for a week.

The "it's not you, it's me" explanation is tried and true. When all else fails and you've found no better way to break things off with someone you can easily whip this excuse out, throw it down on the table, and proudly walk away with your head held high.

Over time though, the "it's not you" theory has lost its luster. It has been used and abused (at least by a handful of guys I've dated) and almost every one of my girlfriends has explained their most recent break up using it's tagline.

We often times accept things as they are. It is him. It's definitely not me. But is it possible that after every failed attempt at love we should take a little "me inventory" to ensure we're not responsible for our love's demise?

When it really is him:
- He's not ready to commit
- He is ready to commit, but not to you
- He's ready to commit to you, Susan, Tiffany, Amanda and a handful of other ladies
- He never calls back, shows up on time, or does anything he says he's going to do
- He says you remind him of his mother
- When he's just not that into you (yes, I opened Pandora's box on that one. Stay tuned for a post on my assessment of the "not that into you" phenomenon)

But ladies, lets be honest. It's not always him.

When it's really you:
- You offend (and I don't mean you like to insult people)
- You boss your guy around (Do these bossy pants make my butt look big?)
- Your family can't stand to be around you
- If you like to sabotage things, especially relationships
- When you have more baggage than a major celebrity

Relationships are give and take and everyone is human. We all have our good sides and bad sides. For example, my good side includes generosity and forgiveness. My bad side? Rolling out of bed in sweats to walk my little poodle and a horribly stubborn sense of wanting my way.

Being yourself in a relationship is crucial. By being true to yourself and not changing who you are, you open yourself to finding the right person who appreciates your good and bad sides. If we cover up our emotional baggage and blemishes we hide from who we really are. That's not to say to put it all out there. Pick and choose what bags you share.

And as those bags accumulate (and oh boy do they pile up!) take some time to dig in, check our their contents, and free up some space so you'll be ready when the "it's me" is whipped out on you.