The Power of the First Date

First dates kind of stink. Maybe not so much the actual date but the decisions leading up to it.
We've talked about picking out your outfit, where to go, what to order.

On a side note, I once made the mistake of eating an everything bagel before meeting a boyfriend for a Cubs game. Hours later I discovered my mouth looked like a NY deli on 9th Ave and a week later I was dumped.

After the wardrobe choice and all of the other details are decided, first dates force us to think long and hard about how we'll behave as the night unfolds. Stay with me...

On a first date (many moons ago), a young single woman decided to play it safe, calm, and overly conservative. She wore cropped pants, a t-shirt, and a scarf from India (a personal gift from a co-worker). "Guys like the earthy look" she said as she rubbed on some patchouli and twirled her hair around her finger to make a sloppy ringlet.

She had him pick her up (even though she really wanted to walk) and she ordered a glass of wine (even though she really wanted a beer) and she laughed at all of his jokes (even though he was incredibly boring and had really small, peculiar hands for a 6 foot tall guy).

She didn't talk much about herself (she was supposed to show interest in him ---- and his small hands), and when he asked her what she did for a living, she downplayed her success (men don't like a woman who is more successful than they are!) and she offered to pay for the drinks and insisted on leaving the tip.

On the ride home (he insisted on driving her home and she really wanted to run like hell away from him) he said he had fun. She indicated she had fun too (she was after all quite courteous) and he insisted on walking her to the front door where she parted with a kiss on the cheek.

That night, she washed her face and got ready for bed. She thought, "that was worth washing my hair right?" and looked down at her dog who turned his head to the side, walked over to her bed, and went to bed. Apparently this was a time where if you don't have anything nice to say....

Days passed and she rethought all of her moves, her behavior, her decisions.
Did she wear too much perfume?
Was the scarf too big?
Should she have worn her hair a different way?
Maybe she should've played the role of the strong and successful woman.
Maybe she should've ordered a cup of tea.

To make a long story even longer, she never heard from him.
She fought her inner confident woman and held off from emailing him until a week had passed.
Closing the loop and knowing her odds of running into random people in the city, she emailed and said she'd be open to meeting again (why? those hands!) and waited for his response.

"I'm still new to this dating scene so I'll respectfully decline."
I'm sorry what?
She was shocked.
She had spent 2-3 hours trying to be the person she thought she should be.
The person she thought he wanted.
And at the end of the night it didn't matter.

What's the lesson in this?
Who cares if you have an everything bagel stuck in your teeth?
Who cares if you're proud of your career accomplishments?
Who cares what cocktail you have?
How much you weigh?
What color your hair is?

You care.
So, care.

Single girls, lets be proud of who we are.
Let's stop apologizing for our behavior on first dates, in our careers, in our lives.
Let's be exactly as we are.
Every day.
All the time.
With everyone.

You care.
So, care.

You are amazing and if a guy, or a girl, or a co-worker doesn't see that?
Then maybe they have something in their eye.

-S.G.