Broccoli Mouth

Nothing gets a reader like a good title.

I had a first date a couple of years ago and met someone for coffee. It was casual, fun, and seemed like things were going really well. After 45 minutes of coffee talk, I made a smooth transition to the ladies room to check my hair, eat a breath mint (coffee breath = bad), and of course... pee.

I strutted my way into the restroom, did all of the above, and turned to the mirror to wash my hands.  I had a huge coffee grain stuck between my two front teeth. It had eyes and it's own set of teeth and it was looking me up and down. Taunting me. "How could you not notice that I was wedged in the front of your mouth?"

Embarrassed and slightly annoyed that my first date hadn't mentioned it (was he going to just let me walk around the city all day with a mammoth coffee bean blinding everyone?), I maneuvered the bean out of my mouth and walked out of the bathroom.

My date seemed relieved. Not only was I sans bean, the pressure on him to tell me was gone.

What's the protocol for this sort of situation? If it's a first date is there an obligation to tell the other person that they have a small farm hanging out of their mouth? Or is it too weird because not only are you just meeting this person, you're probably not in a place where you feel comfortable calling them out on their dental faux pas.

From one friend to another, I am totally telling you what the deal is. In grade school my friend and I used to have a secret code.

Scene: My friend and I eating spinach
Me: Is it going to rain today? (motioning towards my mouth)
Friend: Nope, clear and sunny (read: no, you don't have spinach stuck in your teeth)
Me: Phew!
Friend: Is it going to be windy today?
Me: Girl, there's a storm comin' through.. and it's attacking your mouth
Friend: Be right back (read: going to the bathroom to get it out)

As friends we owe it each other to tell a best bud when they're in a situation that's embarrassing (yuck mouth, bad fashion choice, awkward hair day).

As a first date I think its pretty much up for grabs:

Good guy with lots of potential? Kindly tell him he has something in his teeth, laugh off, repeat if necessary.

Bad guy who won't get a call back? Keep him away from a mirror at all costs for as long as possible. Perhaps take a photo with your camera phone and upload to Twitter.

Just sayin'.