Head Over Heels

Every day we learn something new about ourselves. Why just the other day I learned that wearing my hair in a side bun with a dangley earring is actually very flattering for my face.

On a more serious (but not as entertaining) note, I'm also learning more about relationships. What I want from them, what I loathe. I'm learning all along the way things that I'm willing to put up with and others that I won't tolerate for more than a minute.

I've dated the guy with the big muscles, the too-cool attitude, and the mama's boy who will do anything for her, with her, and if they weren't blood related, would spend the rest of his life with her.

I've learned that I'm sort of old-fashioned. Gasp! I know, you wouldn't expect single girl to be a little bit more on the traditional side. I like doors being opened for me, flowers on first dates, and guys that call (or email) to tell me they had a great time and look forward to seeing me again.

I've learned I don't like drama. Unless we're on the big screen and have make-up artists and hair stylists, I don't care for emotional roller coasters and guessing games - wandering through mirrored mazes trying to figure out if it's me or him, if he's really into me, and what each and every one of his actions means.

I've learned that love comes in different packages. Plain boxes with simple bows. A gift that I'll appreciate all that it has to offer on the inside and not how sleek and shiny the paper is on the outside.

I've learned I want someone who is head over heels for me. Who every morning wakes up and thinks, "I'm so lucky and happy to have this person in my life". And right after he makes me a double short americano, I'll think the same.

I've learned that what you put out there is what you get back. And if we walk around negative, hating life, regretting love, we'll surround ourselves with energy and that will be obvious to others around us. Offensive even.

I've learned that at the end of the day, I'll be patient. And that these things I want and have learned will find me. And until then, I'll keep learning. Every day a new experience, a new obstacle to overcome...

Maybe today you'll learn something about yourself that makes you feel stronger, smarter, or more beautiful. Or maybe (at the very least) you'll learn that ________ is your signature color.

I'll never love you again... Okay one more time

Temptation is a bitch.

And when you meet someone who steals your heart and you fall hard, it can be difficult (impossible even) to stay away from them once the relationship ends.

Admit it.
You've gone back before.
Maybe a few times.

You learned the hard way.
Maybe you're still learning.
Single girl won't judge.

I have an old friend that I have known for 10+ years. He and I have a ton of history both good and bad and while we've never had a normal relationship, we've always shared a connection that is undeniably strong.

An undeniably strong connection can be a good thing (love) and a bad one (dysfunction).

Sometimes when we know someone is wrong for us we want them even more. If they're a tool plain and simple, then we know better. It's the gray area where we have to figure out what to do.

For me, ending a relationship has been for the most part cut and dry. But there were times in my life where I knew a relationship was not going to end well and I continued to participate. Don't judge single girl. I make mistakes too.

You may identify with this feeling. Single girl dates guy who will never commit. Single girl hopes she can prove her value and somehow change his mind. Single girl is amazing but stupid single boy never realizes it. Single girl moves on.

In relationships, convincing someone to love you shouldn't be something you have to deal with. Don't get me wrong. You should be your best self when you meet someone. Take a shower. Wear deodorant. But don't convince someone to like you.

You're amazing.
And single girl knows just how amazing you are.

If you are in this situation you might want to make a decision on your limits. How much of stupid single boy will you put up with before you say "no more"? If you're approaching your limit get ready for a crossroads. You'll be forced to choose soon whether or not to stay or go.

Sometimes the hardest things and the right things are the same.

Single girl will be here when you're ready.

On the Prowl

This morning I read an article about a woman who is interested in dating a guy half her age. She's 34 and he is 17. If this wasn't illegal, do you think it would be okay for an older woman to date a younger guy?

We see it more and more these days. Madonna and A-Rod (although that was pretty short-lived). The traditional relationship of an older guy and younger gal has been placed with the cougar and her baby (read: Older woman, younger guy).

I even saw a TV show this week where a mom of 3 got dressed up and went out to a bar. The younger guys in line called her a Cougar. This show was pretty mainstream, well-known, on TBS (very funny) so apparently Cougar has now become universal.

I'm a single girl and approaching 30. I just cant get rid of my hang up about dating a younger guy. Like old guys cant get over the fact that they're balding or need Cialis (hey, you know you get that spam too!).

Women mature faster than guys do. Plain and simple.

So if I'm dating a guy who is 25, let's just say that his mental capacity is that of a ... I'll be generous and say 20. Even at 20 he can't drive, he can't cocktail, he can't even rent a car without paying the extra $25 fee per day because he's underage.

Maybe I'm limiting myself. Maybe I should be playing the role of the Cougar and dating a guy fresh out of college.

Or maybe I'll stick to my guns. Find a guy who is at least my age or older. Who has established himself in his career, knows what he wants, and isn't interested in playing the scene.

Besides I've never really looked good in animal print anyway.

Oh, Jealousy

Single girl is up early this Saturday morning. Its raining outside, and of course Bernard is on a walk schedule at 6:45 a.m.

While drinking my morning double short Americano and sugar free oatmeal (whats really the point then?) I stumbled across the most interesting article about jealousy and social networking.

Ive talked about social networking in the past. Remember the entry about the woman who set up a fake user profile on Facebook to test her boyfriend and his level of commitment? If you didn't read it, you can check it out here.

Anyway, this article was about a study of 300 people ages 17-24 (granted its sort of towards the younger end). The study tried to identify if social networks like facebook make us jealous or if they bring out the true jealousy that's already in us.

For example, lets say single girl is dating someone serious (here's hoping!). Single girl friends her serious guy on Facebook and then sees he has friended many females that single girl has never met, hasn't heard of, etc.

Single girl turns green.

But is single girl green because of his behavior? Or has single girl always had doubts and now they're just coming to the surface?

Jealousy is a slippery slope my friends.

Its like a ride that you don't want to get on but when you do you're like "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" and then you get off and you feel horrible. Vomit.

You're embarrassed about your behavior (no one said to yell and scream). Your actions are crazed, irrational, and had you waited maybe 5 minutes and let the feelings pass, you likely would've skipped the ride altogether and binged on a funnel cake. (Single girl is clearly hungry).

For me, jealousy has always been rooted in a previous experience. I don't think we are born jealous people. Its the experiences and breakups, (and really just the tools) that create insecurities that cause us to question other people.

Now that's not to say its all in our head. If you know me well, you know that intuition is a mother and you should follow it.

Here's my thought on this topic:

I just cant say for certain that there's a right answer here. I can say though, next time you decide to peruse your boyfriends Facebook page to see what women he's friended, identify why you're doing it first. Is their an existing issue that you want to confirm or are you really just bored.

You can read the full article here.

Love Is...

Last night I went for a semi-long run after work. Running is my activity of choice these days. Dating pool is apparently being drained or something so I've been filling my time with a love affair with the pavement. I think its getting serious.

And on a side note, while running with my mouth open (it's gross I know, a bad habit I'm aware of and trying to break) I swallowed two gnats. Single girl apparently needs to increase her caloric intake. Pants don't fit and I'm eating bugs.

10 minutes into my run, the most amazing song popped up on my playlist. The theme song from Rocky.

It was like I was transformed. My pace picked up, my strides were longer, and if I'm not mistaken I think I ran up a huge flight of stairs and threw my hands up in the air (see picture above). I might have even yelled out "Adrienne!" but I'm not sure.

I thought how finding love can yes, be like the theme to Rocky.
(No, single girl is not going crazy she's just getting more creative)

I thought if I had added this song to my playlist and forced it to play heading out the door, it would never have the same appeal as it did when it surprised me 10 minutes into my run. It would never be as seamless and perfect as it had been yesterday.

It's just like a relationship that we try and make work. Or a first date we try and turn into a 2nd or 3rd. Guy never calls. Girl never gives up.

My thoughts on love, first dates, relationships:

Let them be the surprise track in your playlist. Don't search through your 100gig iPod trying to coerce them and get them to repeat. It's a square peg in a round hole. You have to wait for it... wait for it...

When you least expect it, you'll be out on the trail, fire coming out of the back of your shoes and your theme song will walk right up to you and it will be pure perfection.

Hot for Co-Worker

Hot off the press! (Not the copier - don't be dirty)

I was out on the web last night, you know single girl has to occupy her time somehow. The dating pool seems to be drying up so I've been keeping busy online and living vicariously through other people's screwed up relationships.

I read online about a woman who was terribly attracted to one of her coworkers. He had made some initial comments about how nice she looked one day, suggested grabbing a beer, and even opened up to her and shared some very personal information.

Should she date him?

Coworkers are touchy situations. If you work for a small company not only do you have to see them every day if it doesn't work out, but odds are word will get around the office, people will know you totally "hooked up", and rumors will fly.

Coworkers are even touchier situations when they're married.

Ouch.

This woman was asking for advice on whether or not she should take her coworker up on his advances. She said she didn't want to be a "home wrecker" but he was a good guy and after all things weren't really going well at home.

Abort.
Abort.

Coworker issue aside, if some one's relationships is on the rocks, its not your job to knock it on its ass and throw it over board. Besides, on what basis has she determined that he's a "good guy"? He's married, flirting with women at work, and soliciting a potential affair.

Quick advice on this one: Woman, find your own man. There are plenty of coworkers - take your pick - as long as they're not wearing a ring.

Now, if you're just interested in dating a coworker and you've identified he/she is unattached and without a partner? I give you the following advice;

Are you really interested in this person or just bored? If its boredom, go hit a bar this weekend. A couple of beers and Moe the bartender will be just as attractive.

If you are really interested in this person, keep it discrete! There is nothing worse than sharing a relationship openly (especially with people at work) and then having to backtrack and explain you're no longer together.

Final words: Single girls need a hot romance every once in a while. I get it. Droughts are tough and frustrating. But choose your fling wisely - there are a plethora (single girl uses big word again!) of men out there and you're not limited to the guys at the water cooler.

Age: Just A Number?

There's another new trend that I'm witnessing lately.
Men who like to date younger women. Wait, what? This isn't new?

For the most part, men age more gracefully than women. Sorry ladies, don't be angry at me. You have to agree with me at least a little bit.

When guys get older they're limited to focusing on their biceps - while women have more things to worry about like boobs, buns, and bellies.

The idea of what a women "should" look like is unrealistic. Women on TV and in print are airbrushed, painted, and coiffed to look like pure perfection. Even women over 50 in print are clearly being fixed up in their photos.

Here's an example of what I mean:

I recently ordered a few photos from my grad school graduation. Luckily I had just returned from a week in Miami so the photos that were taken were more flattering than I expected. When I ordered my photo there was a $4.99 option to add on blemish correction and contouring. The company would air brush your face, and even do shading on your cheek bones to give that very fresh "starved" look.

Wow.

If $4.99 bought me cheek bones...

I passed on the appealing offer of literally changing what I looked like and ordered the photo "as is". It came in the mail last week and with the exception of a not-so-great smile, the picture is pure perfection.

Another example; the Viagra triangle in Chicago. For those of you outside of the city it's a neighborhood in the Gold Coast where old men go out to play and young ladies (think 20-25) hang around for free drinks and future shopping trips at Jimmy Choo and Louis Vuitton.

There are some exceptions to dating a younger woman. My mom for example is married to a slightly older guy and while I wouldn't say he's robbing the cradle, there's definitely an age gap between the two of them.

Maybe dating younger or older really ties back to what we're ready for in a relationship. Some women date older to fill that "father figure" void. Or because we're ready and wanting a guy with more experience, who knows what he wants and doesn't play "the game".

Some guys date younger because they want a girl with nice boobs.

Regardless of the reason that people find themselves with a 15-20 year gap between them, I hope somewhere in between that gap there is love.