Long Time No See

** This post was written during the summer months**

I’ve missed you.

This weekend I spent a single girl weekend with my sister in Seattle. Try saying that five times fast! We went out for dinner in the evening, did a little shopping (she can go for hours), and caught up on our favorite shows.

On Saturday evening she turned to me and said, “I used to follow this great blog called Stay Away from Tools but the person doesn’t really write anymore”. Oddly enough she was the second person to send me that very same feedback.

I thought about why I had stopped writing over the last few months and trust me when I say that single girl has really been enjoying life. Good things have been happening and at the expense of my readers my blogging has come to a screeching halt. Please accept a sincere single girl apology.

I hope that this relationship-blogger hiatus has given you a chance to enjoy life as well. Do a few fun things and spend time with the people you love - and those that love you right back.

I’ll be picking things back up again, putting together the rhetorical single girl statements (does this lack of blogging make my butt look big?) and hope you’ll welcome me back with an open inbox.

Dating Slang

When you were in high school, what were your dating buzz words?

It's possible you used sports to explain your relationship progress;
"Last night Joe and I went to 1st base. It was rad."

Or perhaps in your college years you used the old reliable;
"My head hurts. I can't believe Dan and I hooked up".

If you're my younger cousin, you're using big words that single girl doesn't really understand; "We're not exclusive. We're only in a textationship."

When we're dating, we become tied to labels. When do we consider ourselves to be exclusive? At what point do we classify our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend. Does hooking up mean that we aren't seeing anyone else or that we just had too many beers.

I've always been a single girl that puts it out there. I'm terribly honest and straight forward when it comes to communicating with friends and especially with the opposite sex. One thing I'm learning is that labels don't really mean anything except to the people that make them.

I could run up and down the streets of Chicago saying, "I have a boyfriend! I have a boyfriend!". But if the boyfriend doesn't feel the same, or understand what that means to me, then I pretty much just look like an idiot. (Single girl looked like an idiot last week running down Michigan Avenue and tripping in front of 50 tourists)

Labels = Communication

If you want exclusivity, be clear about it. If you only want to hook up then go for it. But also allow things to happen naturally. Classifying or labeling a relationship 2 weeks in has disaster written all over it. And always having to ask "what does this mean?" usually means that you have no clue where things are and/or where they're going.

Take a peek at other dating slang terms here and here.

I'll be trying to understand what people mean when they give someone the "Sailor's elbow".

Hello Old Friend...

Single girl has been keeping busy the last few weeks of summer. It's Labor Day weekend and this morning I cooked brownies, did three loads of laundry, paid all my bills, and slept til 11 a.m. Figure that one out!

The Fall is slowly coming into swing, leaves changing colors and falling gracefully to the ground. On Friday evening I shared $3 beers with a friend outdoors and talked about how quickly the summer came and went - and how the cold days were quickly approaching.

Our conversation moved to dating, as most conversations do. We talked about the idea that as the cold weather comes in people find themselves compelled to find a mate for impending snow and sleet. She mentioned they try and find someone before we start the battle of the bulge during the holidays. We're all tan and thin now from being outdoors and active. Right around the corner is a beer belly and carb loading.

I'm excited for what's to come in the upcoming months. When I moved into my place last year it was a week or so shy of Christmas and I spent the holidays without furniture - I did manage to put up my tree and buy a sofa.

I hope this holiday / cold season brings nights in front of the fire, room temperature red wine, cooking dinner, and (fingers crossed) lots of smooching.

The Fall and Winter are like an old friend who you sometimes forget. But you always remember them when they come back around. You're appreciative of their colors, scents, their feelings. And you welcome them with open arms knowing their appearance is inevitable and over time you'll learn to love them again.

Single girl says here's to a fantastic Fall and cold nights indoors somewhere warm.

Oh, and lots of smooching.

Head Over Heels

Every day we learn something new about ourselves. Why just the other day I learned that wearing my hair in a side bun with a dangley earring is actually very flattering for my face.

On a more serious (but not as entertaining) note, I'm also learning more about relationships. What I want from them, what I loathe. I'm learning all along the way things that I'm willing to put up with and others that I won't tolerate for more than a minute.

I've dated the guy with the big muscles, the too-cool attitude, and the mama's boy who will do anything for her, with her, and if they weren't blood related, would spend the rest of his life with her.

I've learned that I'm sort of old-fashioned. Gasp! I know, you wouldn't expect single girl to be a little bit more on the traditional side. I like doors being opened for me, flowers on first dates, and guys that call (or email) to tell me they had a great time and look forward to seeing me again.

I've learned I don't like drama. Unless we're on the big screen and have make-up artists and hair stylists, I don't care for emotional roller coasters and guessing games - wandering through mirrored mazes trying to figure out if it's me or him, if he's really into me, and what each and every one of his actions means.

I've learned that love comes in different packages. Plain boxes with simple bows. A gift that I'll appreciate all that it has to offer on the inside and not how sleek and shiny the paper is on the outside.

I've learned I want someone who is head over heels for me. Who every morning wakes up and thinks, "I'm so lucky and happy to have this person in my life". And right after he makes me a double short americano, I'll think the same.

I've learned that what you put out there is what you get back. And if we walk around negative, hating life, regretting love, we'll surround ourselves with energy and that will be obvious to others around us. Offensive even.

I've learned that at the end of the day, I'll be patient. And that these things I want and have learned will find me. And until then, I'll keep learning. Every day a new experience, a new obstacle to overcome...

Maybe today you'll learn something about yourself that makes you feel stronger, smarter, or more beautiful. Or maybe (at the very least) you'll learn that ________ is your signature color.

I'll never love you again... Okay one more time

Temptation is a bitch.

And when you meet someone who steals your heart and you fall hard, it can be difficult (impossible even) to stay away from them once the relationship ends.

Admit it.
You've gone back before.
Maybe a few times.

You learned the hard way.
Maybe you're still learning.
Single girl won't judge.

I have an old friend that I have known for 10+ years. He and I have a ton of history both good and bad and while we've never had a normal relationship, we've always shared a connection that is undeniably strong.

An undeniably strong connection can be a good thing (love) and a bad one (dysfunction).

Sometimes when we know someone is wrong for us we want them even more. If they're a tool plain and simple, then we know better. It's the gray area where we have to figure out what to do.

For me, ending a relationship has been for the most part cut and dry. But there were times in my life where I knew a relationship was not going to end well and I continued to participate. Don't judge single girl. I make mistakes too.

You may identify with this feeling. Single girl dates guy who will never commit. Single girl hopes she can prove her value and somehow change his mind. Single girl is amazing but stupid single boy never realizes it. Single girl moves on.

In relationships, convincing someone to love you shouldn't be something you have to deal with. Don't get me wrong. You should be your best self when you meet someone. Take a shower. Wear deodorant. But don't convince someone to like you.

You're amazing.
And single girl knows just how amazing you are.

If you are in this situation you might want to make a decision on your limits. How much of stupid single boy will you put up with before you say "no more"? If you're approaching your limit get ready for a crossroads. You'll be forced to choose soon whether or not to stay or go.

Sometimes the hardest things and the right things are the same.

Single girl will be here when you're ready.

On the Prowl

This morning I read an article about a woman who is interested in dating a guy half her age. She's 34 and he is 17. If this wasn't illegal, do you think it would be okay for an older woman to date a younger guy?

We see it more and more these days. Madonna and A-Rod (although that was pretty short-lived). The traditional relationship of an older guy and younger gal has been placed with the cougar and her baby (read: Older woman, younger guy).

I even saw a TV show this week where a mom of 3 got dressed up and went out to a bar. The younger guys in line called her a Cougar. This show was pretty mainstream, well-known, on TBS (very funny) so apparently Cougar has now become universal.

I'm a single girl and approaching 30. I just cant get rid of my hang up about dating a younger guy. Like old guys cant get over the fact that they're balding or need Cialis (hey, you know you get that spam too!).

Women mature faster than guys do. Plain and simple.

So if I'm dating a guy who is 25, let's just say that his mental capacity is that of a ... I'll be generous and say 20. Even at 20 he can't drive, he can't cocktail, he can't even rent a car without paying the extra $25 fee per day because he's underage.

Maybe I'm limiting myself. Maybe I should be playing the role of the Cougar and dating a guy fresh out of college.

Or maybe I'll stick to my guns. Find a guy who is at least my age or older. Who has established himself in his career, knows what he wants, and isn't interested in playing the scene.

Besides I've never really looked good in animal print anyway.

Oh, Jealousy

Single girl is up early this Saturday morning. Its raining outside, and of course Bernard is on a walk schedule at 6:45 a.m.

While drinking my morning double short Americano and sugar free oatmeal (whats really the point then?) I stumbled across the most interesting article about jealousy and social networking.

Ive talked about social networking in the past. Remember the entry about the woman who set up a fake user profile on Facebook to test her boyfriend and his level of commitment? If you didn't read it, you can check it out here.

Anyway, this article was about a study of 300 people ages 17-24 (granted its sort of towards the younger end). The study tried to identify if social networks like facebook make us jealous or if they bring out the true jealousy that's already in us.

For example, lets say single girl is dating someone serious (here's hoping!). Single girl friends her serious guy on Facebook and then sees he has friended many females that single girl has never met, hasn't heard of, etc.

Single girl turns green.

But is single girl green because of his behavior? Or has single girl always had doubts and now they're just coming to the surface?

Jealousy is a slippery slope my friends.

Its like a ride that you don't want to get on but when you do you're like "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" and then you get off and you feel horrible. Vomit.

You're embarrassed about your behavior (no one said to yell and scream). Your actions are crazed, irrational, and had you waited maybe 5 minutes and let the feelings pass, you likely would've skipped the ride altogether and binged on a funnel cake. (Single girl is clearly hungry).

For me, jealousy has always been rooted in a previous experience. I don't think we are born jealous people. Its the experiences and breakups, (and really just the tools) that create insecurities that cause us to question other people.

Now that's not to say its all in our head. If you know me well, you know that intuition is a mother and you should follow it.

Here's my thought on this topic:

I just cant say for certain that there's a right answer here. I can say though, next time you decide to peruse your boyfriends Facebook page to see what women he's friended, identify why you're doing it first. Is their an existing issue that you want to confirm or are you really just bored.

You can read the full article here.