Long Time No See

** This post was written during the summer months**

I’ve missed you.

This weekend I spent a single girl weekend with my sister in Seattle. Try saying that five times fast! We went out for dinner in the evening, did a little shopping (she can go for hours), and caught up on our favorite shows.

On Saturday evening she turned to me and said, “I used to follow this great blog called Stay Away from Tools but the person doesn’t really write anymore”. Oddly enough she was the second person to send me that very same feedback.

I thought about why I had stopped writing over the last few months and trust me when I say that single girl has really been enjoying life. Good things have been happening and at the expense of my readers my blogging has come to a screeching halt. Please accept a sincere single girl apology.

I hope that this relationship-blogger hiatus has given you a chance to enjoy life as well. Do a few fun things and spend time with the people you love - and those that love you right back.

I’ll be picking things back up again, putting together the rhetorical single girl statements (does this lack of blogging make my butt look big?) and hope you’ll welcome me back with an open inbox.

Dating Slang

When you were in high school, what were your dating buzz words?

It's possible you used sports to explain your relationship progress;
"Last night Joe and I went to 1st base. It was rad."

Or perhaps in your college years you used the old reliable;
"My head hurts. I can't believe Dan and I hooked up".

If you're my younger cousin, you're using big words that single girl doesn't really understand; "We're not exclusive. We're only in a textationship."

When we're dating, we become tied to labels. When do we consider ourselves to be exclusive? At what point do we classify our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend. Does hooking up mean that we aren't seeing anyone else or that we just had too many beers.

I've always been a single girl that puts it out there. I'm terribly honest and straight forward when it comes to communicating with friends and especially with the opposite sex. One thing I'm learning is that labels don't really mean anything except to the people that make them.

I could run up and down the streets of Chicago saying, "I have a boyfriend! I have a boyfriend!". But if the boyfriend doesn't feel the same, or understand what that means to me, then I pretty much just look like an idiot. (Single girl looked like an idiot last week running down Michigan Avenue and tripping in front of 50 tourists)

Labels = Communication

If you want exclusivity, be clear about it. If you only want to hook up then go for it. But also allow things to happen naturally. Classifying or labeling a relationship 2 weeks in has disaster written all over it. And always having to ask "what does this mean?" usually means that you have no clue where things are and/or where they're going.

Take a peek at other dating slang terms here and here.

I'll be trying to understand what people mean when they give someone the "Sailor's elbow".

Hello Old Friend...

Single girl has been keeping busy the last few weeks of summer. It's Labor Day weekend and this morning I cooked brownies, did three loads of laundry, paid all my bills, and slept til 11 a.m. Figure that one out!

The Fall is slowly coming into swing, leaves changing colors and falling gracefully to the ground. On Friday evening I shared $3 beers with a friend outdoors and talked about how quickly the summer came and went - and how the cold days were quickly approaching.

Our conversation moved to dating, as most conversations do. We talked about the idea that as the cold weather comes in people find themselves compelled to find a mate for impending snow and sleet. She mentioned they try and find someone before we start the battle of the bulge during the holidays. We're all tan and thin now from being outdoors and active. Right around the corner is a beer belly and carb loading.

I'm excited for what's to come in the upcoming months. When I moved into my place last year it was a week or so shy of Christmas and I spent the holidays without furniture - I did manage to put up my tree and buy a sofa.

I hope this holiday / cold season brings nights in front of the fire, room temperature red wine, cooking dinner, and (fingers crossed) lots of smooching.

The Fall and Winter are like an old friend who you sometimes forget. But you always remember them when they come back around. You're appreciative of their colors, scents, their feelings. And you welcome them with open arms knowing their appearance is inevitable and over time you'll learn to love them again.

Single girl says here's to a fantastic Fall and cold nights indoors somewhere warm.

Oh, and lots of smooching.

Head Over Heels

Every day we learn something new about ourselves. Why just the other day I learned that wearing my hair in a side bun with a dangley earring is actually very flattering for my face.

On a more serious (but not as entertaining) note, I'm also learning more about relationships. What I want from them, what I loathe. I'm learning all along the way things that I'm willing to put up with and others that I won't tolerate for more than a minute.

I've dated the guy with the big muscles, the too-cool attitude, and the mama's boy who will do anything for her, with her, and if they weren't blood related, would spend the rest of his life with her.

I've learned that I'm sort of old-fashioned. Gasp! I know, you wouldn't expect single girl to be a little bit more on the traditional side. I like doors being opened for me, flowers on first dates, and guys that call (or email) to tell me they had a great time and look forward to seeing me again.

I've learned I don't like drama. Unless we're on the big screen and have make-up artists and hair stylists, I don't care for emotional roller coasters and guessing games - wandering through mirrored mazes trying to figure out if it's me or him, if he's really into me, and what each and every one of his actions means.

I've learned that love comes in different packages. Plain boxes with simple bows. A gift that I'll appreciate all that it has to offer on the inside and not how sleek and shiny the paper is on the outside.

I've learned I want someone who is head over heels for me. Who every morning wakes up and thinks, "I'm so lucky and happy to have this person in my life". And right after he makes me a double short americano, I'll think the same.

I've learned that what you put out there is what you get back. And if we walk around negative, hating life, regretting love, we'll surround ourselves with energy and that will be obvious to others around us. Offensive even.

I've learned that at the end of the day, I'll be patient. And that these things I want and have learned will find me. And until then, I'll keep learning. Every day a new experience, a new obstacle to overcome...

Maybe today you'll learn something about yourself that makes you feel stronger, smarter, or more beautiful. Or maybe (at the very least) you'll learn that ________ is your signature color.

I'll never love you again... Okay one more time

Temptation is a bitch.

And when you meet someone who steals your heart and you fall hard, it can be difficult (impossible even) to stay away from them once the relationship ends.

Admit it.
You've gone back before.
Maybe a few times.

You learned the hard way.
Maybe you're still learning.
Single girl won't judge.

I have an old friend that I have known for 10+ years. He and I have a ton of history both good and bad and while we've never had a normal relationship, we've always shared a connection that is undeniably strong.

An undeniably strong connection can be a good thing (love) and a bad one (dysfunction).

Sometimes when we know someone is wrong for us we want them even more. If they're a tool plain and simple, then we know better. It's the gray area where we have to figure out what to do.

For me, ending a relationship has been for the most part cut and dry. But there were times in my life where I knew a relationship was not going to end well and I continued to participate. Don't judge single girl. I make mistakes too.

You may identify with this feeling. Single girl dates guy who will never commit. Single girl hopes she can prove her value and somehow change his mind. Single girl is amazing but stupid single boy never realizes it. Single girl moves on.

In relationships, convincing someone to love you shouldn't be something you have to deal with. Don't get me wrong. You should be your best self when you meet someone. Take a shower. Wear deodorant. But don't convince someone to like you.

You're amazing.
And single girl knows just how amazing you are.

If you are in this situation you might want to make a decision on your limits. How much of stupid single boy will you put up with before you say "no more"? If you're approaching your limit get ready for a crossroads. You'll be forced to choose soon whether or not to stay or go.

Sometimes the hardest things and the right things are the same.

Single girl will be here when you're ready.

On the Prowl

This morning I read an article about a woman who is interested in dating a guy half her age. She's 34 and he is 17. If this wasn't illegal, do you think it would be okay for an older woman to date a younger guy?

We see it more and more these days. Madonna and A-Rod (although that was pretty short-lived). The traditional relationship of an older guy and younger gal has been placed with the cougar and her baby (read: Older woman, younger guy).

I even saw a TV show this week where a mom of 3 got dressed up and went out to a bar. The younger guys in line called her a Cougar. This show was pretty mainstream, well-known, on TBS (very funny) so apparently Cougar has now become universal.

I'm a single girl and approaching 30. I just cant get rid of my hang up about dating a younger guy. Like old guys cant get over the fact that they're balding or need Cialis (hey, you know you get that spam too!).

Women mature faster than guys do. Plain and simple.

So if I'm dating a guy who is 25, let's just say that his mental capacity is that of a ... I'll be generous and say 20. Even at 20 he can't drive, he can't cocktail, he can't even rent a car without paying the extra $25 fee per day because he's underage.

Maybe I'm limiting myself. Maybe I should be playing the role of the Cougar and dating a guy fresh out of college.

Or maybe I'll stick to my guns. Find a guy who is at least my age or older. Who has established himself in his career, knows what he wants, and isn't interested in playing the scene.

Besides I've never really looked good in animal print anyway.

Oh, Jealousy

Single girl is up early this Saturday morning. Its raining outside, and of course Bernard is on a walk schedule at 6:45 a.m.

While drinking my morning double short Americano and sugar free oatmeal (whats really the point then?) I stumbled across the most interesting article about jealousy and social networking.

Ive talked about social networking in the past. Remember the entry about the woman who set up a fake user profile on Facebook to test her boyfriend and his level of commitment? If you didn't read it, you can check it out here.

Anyway, this article was about a study of 300 people ages 17-24 (granted its sort of towards the younger end). The study tried to identify if social networks like facebook make us jealous or if they bring out the true jealousy that's already in us.

For example, lets say single girl is dating someone serious (here's hoping!). Single girl friends her serious guy on Facebook and then sees he has friended many females that single girl has never met, hasn't heard of, etc.

Single girl turns green.

But is single girl green because of his behavior? Or has single girl always had doubts and now they're just coming to the surface?

Jealousy is a slippery slope my friends.

Its like a ride that you don't want to get on but when you do you're like "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" and then you get off and you feel horrible. Vomit.

You're embarrassed about your behavior (no one said to yell and scream). Your actions are crazed, irrational, and had you waited maybe 5 minutes and let the feelings pass, you likely would've skipped the ride altogether and binged on a funnel cake. (Single girl is clearly hungry).

For me, jealousy has always been rooted in a previous experience. I don't think we are born jealous people. Its the experiences and breakups, (and really just the tools) that create insecurities that cause us to question other people.

Now that's not to say its all in our head. If you know me well, you know that intuition is a mother and you should follow it.

Here's my thought on this topic:

I just cant say for certain that there's a right answer here. I can say though, next time you decide to peruse your boyfriends Facebook page to see what women he's friended, identify why you're doing it first. Is their an existing issue that you want to confirm or are you really just bored.

You can read the full article here.

Love Is...

Last night I went for a semi-long run after work. Running is my activity of choice these days. Dating pool is apparently being drained or something so I've been filling my time with a love affair with the pavement. I think its getting serious.

And on a side note, while running with my mouth open (it's gross I know, a bad habit I'm aware of and trying to break) I swallowed two gnats. Single girl apparently needs to increase her caloric intake. Pants don't fit and I'm eating bugs.

10 minutes into my run, the most amazing song popped up on my playlist. The theme song from Rocky.

It was like I was transformed. My pace picked up, my strides were longer, and if I'm not mistaken I think I ran up a huge flight of stairs and threw my hands up in the air (see picture above). I might have even yelled out "Adrienne!" but I'm not sure.

I thought how finding love can yes, be like the theme to Rocky.
(No, single girl is not going crazy she's just getting more creative)

I thought if I had added this song to my playlist and forced it to play heading out the door, it would never have the same appeal as it did when it surprised me 10 minutes into my run. It would never be as seamless and perfect as it had been yesterday.

It's just like a relationship that we try and make work. Or a first date we try and turn into a 2nd or 3rd. Guy never calls. Girl never gives up.

My thoughts on love, first dates, relationships:

Let them be the surprise track in your playlist. Don't search through your 100gig iPod trying to coerce them and get them to repeat. It's a square peg in a round hole. You have to wait for it... wait for it...

When you least expect it, you'll be out on the trail, fire coming out of the back of your shoes and your theme song will walk right up to you and it will be pure perfection.

Hot for Co-Worker

Hot off the press! (Not the copier - don't be dirty)

I was out on the web last night, you know single girl has to occupy her time somehow. The dating pool seems to be drying up so I've been keeping busy online and living vicariously through other people's screwed up relationships.

I read online about a woman who was terribly attracted to one of her coworkers. He had made some initial comments about how nice she looked one day, suggested grabbing a beer, and even opened up to her and shared some very personal information.

Should she date him?

Coworkers are touchy situations. If you work for a small company not only do you have to see them every day if it doesn't work out, but odds are word will get around the office, people will know you totally "hooked up", and rumors will fly.

Coworkers are even touchier situations when they're married.

Ouch.

This woman was asking for advice on whether or not she should take her coworker up on his advances. She said she didn't want to be a "home wrecker" but he was a good guy and after all things weren't really going well at home.

Abort.
Abort.

Coworker issue aside, if some one's relationships is on the rocks, its not your job to knock it on its ass and throw it over board. Besides, on what basis has she determined that he's a "good guy"? He's married, flirting with women at work, and soliciting a potential affair.

Quick advice on this one: Woman, find your own man. There are plenty of coworkers - take your pick - as long as they're not wearing a ring.

Now, if you're just interested in dating a coworker and you've identified he/she is unattached and without a partner? I give you the following advice;

Are you really interested in this person or just bored? If its boredom, go hit a bar this weekend. A couple of beers and Moe the bartender will be just as attractive.

If you are really interested in this person, keep it discrete! There is nothing worse than sharing a relationship openly (especially with people at work) and then having to backtrack and explain you're no longer together.

Final words: Single girls need a hot romance every once in a while. I get it. Droughts are tough and frustrating. But choose your fling wisely - there are a plethora (single girl uses big word again!) of men out there and you're not limited to the guys at the water cooler.

Age: Just A Number?

There's another new trend that I'm witnessing lately.
Men who like to date younger women. Wait, what? This isn't new?

For the most part, men age more gracefully than women. Sorry ladies, don't be angry at me. You have to agree with me at least a little bit.

When guys get older they're limited to focusing on their biceps - while women have more things to worry about like boobs, buns, and bellies.

The idea of what a women "should" look like is unrealistic. Women on TV and in print are airbrushed, painted, and coiffed to look like pure perfection. Even women over 50 in print are clearly being fixed up in their photos.

Here's an example of what I mean:

I recently ordered a few photos from my grad school graduation. Luckily I had just returned from a week in Miami so the photos that were taken were more flattering than I expected. When I ordered my photo there was a $4.99 option to add on blemish correction and contouring. The company would air brush your face, and even do shading on your cheek bones to give that very fresh "starved" look.

Wow.

If $4.99 bought me cheek bones...

I passed on the appealing offer of literally changing what I looked like and ordered the photo "as is". It came in the mail last week and with the exception of a not-so-great smile, the picture is pure perfection.

Another example; the Viagra triangle in Chicago. For those of you outside of the city it's a neighborhood in the Gold Coast where old men go out to play and young ladies (think 20-25) hang around for free drinks and future shopping trips at Jimmy Choo and Louis Vuitton.

There are some exceptions to dating a younger woman. My mom for example is married to a slightly older guy and while I wouldn't say he's robbing the cradle, there's definitely an age gap between the two of them.

Maybe dating younger or older really ties back to what we're ready for in a relationship. Some women date older to fill that "father figure" void. Or because we're ready and wanting a guy with more experience, who knows what he wants and doesn't play "the game".

Some guys date younger because they want a girl with nice boobs.

Regardless of the reason that people find themselves with a 15-20 year gap between them, I hope somewhere in between that gap there is love.

You've got a fast car...

Is there a new trend happening that I don't know about? Have my female comrades left me out of the loop intentionally?

The "I'm a man with a lot of money and I will try and use it to get you" trend? I swear I didn't see it in last month's Cosmo. I must be out of touch.

I dated someone (short lived) who threw around brands like they were going out of style. He should've just walked around with a sandwich board that says "I paid way too much for everything I own just to try and impress you. And it's not working".

Fast cars? Wow - so you overpaid for a big piece of metal that still needs an oil change, can still have flat tires, and when the sun is blazing hot and humid, your butt will be sticking to your seats. That's hot.

Fine dining? I'm blown away that you buy bottles at a 500% mark up just so you can sit down at a club with people that are half your age. Please let me sit too.

Oh you travel? You flew 20+ hours to an exotic location to beer bong and take pictures of women in their bikinis. I'm finding it more difficult to resist you.

Please stop.

Disclaimer: I do not want to date (nor will I fall in love with) a guy who is unemployed, without transportation (I'll ride on your handlebars!), or who eats Spam every night.

I'm in the market for a real guy. Terribly sweet, romantic, dips me in the middle of the street, and brings flowers on the first date - even if it is corny.

Price tag of the aforementioned first date: $20 max for flowers.
My respect and interest: Priceless.

I don't want to know what you can buy before I know what you stand for.

Show me you care, before you show me your car.

Please.

Stop.

Are You the One?

Do you think that there is one person out there that we are meant to be with?

Chew on it. Go ahead. I'll wait while you figure out how you feel about it.

I used to think there was one person. My dating experiences and past loves throughout my teens and twenties tell me this may not be the case.

Let's think about it:

If there was one person meant for us on the earth that would be a completely cruel joke. Whoever put this one person on earth for us would be laughing as we go all across the country (globe even!) trying to find the person that makes us complete.

What if my "one" is a goat herder in some third world country? Herder by day, village idiot by night. Does that mean I'll never truly know love unless I stumble upon him one day? Cruel.

Is it rather the "one for now"?

My boyfriend in 8th grade (and I use the term boyfriend loosely) was shorter than me, not at all my type, and the only thing we really shared was our love for the cafeteria nachos and R&B music.

The one is relative to the situations we're in at that moment. When we're married we've found the one. If that marriage sinks, we look back and say that person just wasn't right for me (or insert other explanation for why it didn't last).

My point here is this:

Is life just a series of experiences to build us up (and occassionally knock us down)? They allow us to learn about who we are, what we love, and what we loathe. For example, I hate beets. They are not "the one" for me.

Are there many "ones" all over the world in different forms ready for us to uncover, unravel, and experience? The "one" doesn't have to take form in a man or woman perhaps. Maybe our "one" is our commitment to family, giving back, working out, [insert your "one" here].

I feel like this is the best answer for why I'm still on my journey. Everything I experience is part of what molds me into the person I am. The "ones" make me smarter, wiser, quicker on the draw.

If I'm totally off on this one (which I could be) I should probably start traveling the globe to try and find the love of my life - and if he'll let me (and he's into me), join his herd.

Say what you mean to say

And here you thought you were getting a blog entry about John Mayer.

Sucker.

No, this is not a tribute to John Mayer and his overdone soulful numbers that appeal to every single girl in the city. On a side note, "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" is one of my all time faves and gets serious airtime on late Saturday nights or early Sunday mornings.

This entry addresses the issue of those that say one thing and then do the other.
Here's what I mean at its simplest form:

If I say I'm interested in learning about the evolution of man - I really am interested in the evolution of man. There's no hidden meaning in my statement. I don't secretly mean that I'm interested in learning about cellular mitosis (single girl can use big words too).

If I say I'm looking for love? I am in fact looking for love.

Every woman has dated a guy who says one thing but does the other. What I'm learning more and more these days is people really do say things just to say them. This is a concept that I remember encountering as a teenager but at the age of 30 we should really have our statements and our subsequent actions in sync.

Last night my friend and I stayed up late talking about how self-actualized we are. Don't laugh. I know, I know. Hard to believe, but single girls can have philosophical nights too.

You know, Maslow's hierarchy of needs? I think Maslow had it all wrong. I know way too much about myself and what I want. I know more than I want to about the guy for me, the girl I want to be, and what's wrong and right. In relationships I over analyze, and I'm completely logical.

I think those that are less self-actualized have it easy. They think less, do more, feel too little. Could it be those that understand themselves less have more opportunities for love? They don't know enough about what they want so any Tom, Dick, or Harry will do?

I wish sometimes I was the girl that just didn't get it. And then I wake up and see how far I've come. How I didn't spend any longer than I needed to in relationship that was headed for "No-Wheresville" (Population: My Ex Boyfriend).

I think I'll be just fine "putting it all out there", saying what I really mean and dealing with the relationship casualties along the way.

Friends with Benefits

First off, I haven't heard this term thrown around since I was in high school. I was surprised to read online that 1) people still do this and 2) people still call it by that name.

As a young adult it had a certain sort of appeal in sound. It was mysterious. What were these benefits that these friends were sharing? As an adult it just confuses me. Is this friend with benefits an HMO or PPO? Are you limited to one person with a $10 co pay or are you free to go anywhere you choose and get stuck with a large bill. I could go on and on with this analogy but I'll keep it PG13.

About.com posted a letter from a woman who wrote in explaining she was interested in turning her "friend with benefits" into her boyfriend. He was clear that he didn't want a relationship with her - and she was clear that she did.

Fair enough.

Walk away.

Try again.

But instead she continued to offer up her "benefits" with the hope that one morning he'd come to his senses and realize that she was in fact the girl for him. I think she is still waiting for this happen, hence her helpless plea to solicit advice from the about.com community.

When expectations are set they are then followed. If you present yourself as wanting X and then one morning ask for Y & Z? You might find that the other person was perfectly happy with your original expectation.

That's not to say that things can't change. I'm learning more and more that rules don't really matter if you're interested, if you care, if you love.

One word of advice Ms. PPO waiting for your HMO to step it up;
You can't make someone do something they don't want to do. And you can't get full coverage when you've already signed up for something different.

BFF

There's something to be said for the love, laughs, and amazing wine you can share with a good friend.

One of my closest friends stays over in the city once a month. We've just started working out before consuming large quantities of take out and drinking bottles of wine with pretty labels. (Skinny girl jeans are falling off of me - and not by choice!)

Tomorrow night we're "on tap" for a night of highlighting her hair, homemade pizza, and dishing the dirt on (my) dating life. It's been pretty uneventful lately I have to admit so that part of the night might be replaced with cat walking in the kitchen (again).

After a failed romance or even just a horrible date, a good friend makes everything better. No matter how low you're feeling about anything - and I mean anything - a great friend can lift your spirits, get you back on track, and talk some sense into you when all you really want is to be the victim.

Girlfriends are honest (if they're the real kind) and they will tell you the absolute truth even when it's not what you want to hear. They remind you you're amazing, you deserve better, and if you have the slightest bit of unhappiness or regret they encourage you to trust yourself.

During love and loss I have been beyond lucky to have amazing people supporting me every step of the way. If I hadn't, things would probably have turned out differently. I've experienced some very "tough love" from these friends and while at the moment I was resentful and upset, I look back now... and I'm grateful.

I can't even begin to repay them.

Guys come and go - good friends are forever.

Over It

I dated someone for many years who hated that I could get over certain things so quickly. "I'll deal with it" I'd say and then within 5 minutes my lackluster mood would go from Angry Amy (she's Debbie Downer's distant cousin) to a much happier, more positive outlook.

A woman who has reached her limit is a woman who cannot be won back over. We see this in every day life; man cheats and woman takes him back (maybe if he's lucky). Man cheats again and woman kicks him out and never looks back.

As women we're programmed into thinking - better yet, knowing that we deserve nothing but the best. And I don't mean fine wine and expensive cuts of meat. I mean respect, and love, and the decency to return phone calls and do what you say you're going to do.

A good friend told me once that I get very excited about things and if something deters me in even the slightest way I tend to abandon and jump ship because it didn't go as planned. I agree with this (especially with bad fashion choices; skinny jeans in sight! Abort! Abort!). But I also feel that if you feel like you're done - more than likely you're done.

eHow.com posted instructions on how to forgive a cheating ex. eHow.com says "The hardest part of forgiving is that, let's face it, we don't really want to. " Amen to that one.

They then go on to give you 12 steps on how to create forgiveness in your life.
Do you really need 12 steps from the internet to convince yourself? Or do you already know what you "need to do".

Where I disagree? Forgiveness does not mean you have to take them back. I forgive fashion for inventing the "teased bang" but that doesn't mean I will rock it out to dinner in 2009.

Forgiveness and letting someone back in? Two very different steps.
I forgave someone who hurt me but I did NOT let them back in my life.

Forgiveness brings peace in your life. Healing. The ability to move on and open yourself to new things.

Big bangs?
Nothing but trouble.

The Club Scene

It’s old.

Oh wait, I’m supposed to be giving advice. At 21 or 22 the club scene “rocked the nation” as I would say. It was sexy, had an abundance of strobe lights, and the drinks in the plastic cups were more delicious than nectar from some exotic fruit. Being a young, dumb, 21 year old was awesome.

And now here I am on the cusp of 30.

I haven’t stepped foot in a true club in what feels like years. I’ve visited the occasional “lounge”. The difference being nothing really, except a smaller dance floor and slightly more clothing. Maybe cleaner bathrooms.

I celebrated with my friend when I closed on my home and hit a club for old time’s sake. It was exotic dancer night (had I known I would not have gone) and some 5 foot tall guy in converse was working the floor. I’ve never been the same since. No seriously, I’m still recovering.

The club scene is old.

It’s like the Viagra triangle in Chicago on a Saturday night.

When I did frequent the club scene I had zero success. I met my ex boyfriend in a dance club and for six plus years toted the phrase “you can meet good people in clubs”. Touché.

Clubs are like a bad fashion trend. The Maxi dress. Or skinny jeans, perhaps.

You see them on other people, they look amazing. You try them on and convince yourself you can pull it off. You rock them – hard. And weeks later you find pictures of you in those skinny jeans circulating and you look awful. You’re bloated, greasy, stumbling - - - oh wait, are we still talking about skinny jeans?

All I’m saying is be cautious of the club scene.
You won’t find me there anymore.

Besides my tube top dress just doesn’t fit me like it used to.

Vacationing as a Form of Relationship Counseling

Symptoms: Lackluster romance, questionable sex life, microwave dinners, and zero nights on the town.
Diagnosis: Relationship-itis
Rx: Mexico

Why is it that when relationships get tough, couples immediately turn to a vacation somewhere warm, sunny, and full of booze?

Hey don’t get me wrong. Sand between my toes and an umbrella in my drink has single girl written all over it. And I’ve been there. How do you think I got to Senor Frogs and gained 5 lbs in 3 days from margaritas? I digress. When it’s the only time you can get along with your partner something just doesn’t add up.

I have a friend who dated a guy for years. Every 9-12 months things would get incredibly rocky and she would be ready to break things off with him. She’d build up the courage to sit down, convince herself she could do better, and then he would book a weekend getaway to some place over 90 degrees and all inclusive.

She’d come back from her vacation rested, satisfied, and would have a rockin’ tan that would make a grown many cry.

And I’d be like, “what’s the deal?” channeling my inner hair-dresser, trying to get her to remember all those things she said before she left. “Oh we worked it out” she’d say.
Apparently an open bar and guacamole does wonders for a failing relationship.

“Working on things” comes in many shapes and forms. Vacations, experimentation, and new adventures. And I say, go for it! You may find that an extended weekend is all you needed to get things back in the groove.

But if you get off that plane from Cancun and you’re standing at the terminal arguing about how close you should be standing to the rotating luggage turnstile? Maybe it’s time to have that 9 month talk.

Again.

Trust Me

A wise (and fashionable) woman once told me that in relationships we have a “trust cup”. Over time that cup fills as we learn about our love, we begin to rely and count on him/her during tough times, and as we share experiences and become closer.

Our cup takes time to fill. In some relationships it never reaches halfway. Other relationships it overflows. And in cases where we lose trust, it holds less and less until it’s completely empty...

... And nothing from nothing leaves nothing.

Trust is a huge part of a relationship. If you can’t trust the person closest to you emotionally, physically – why are you there?

Trust can be built.

It can be broken.

And into every relationship a little test of trust will fall.

I’ve learned the hard way. My cup was empty for a long time. And by the time I had enough nerve to speak up about it, I got slapped (proverbially, of course) in the face with it and had no clue what hit me.

This is a serious post; To say that you deserve to not only trust your love but also trust yourself. Listen to your heart, your head, and the undeniable feeling of instinct.

Keep an eye on your cup and its levels. Regular inventory is required by all means.
And if you wake up one morning with a cup that’s cold or unforgiving, call me.

I’ll remind you that you’re amazing and right around the corner is another amazing opportunity to fill back up again.

Left Holding the (Bridal) Bag

(Written 7/13/09 10:00 p.m.)

This evening I'm on a plane headed to the west coast on a direct flight to Seattle.
I’m not jet-setting in the true sense of the word but I will order myself a strong V&T (that’s a vodka tonic for those of you who aren’t cool).

The woman who I sat next to (who is now sleeping and snoring simultaneously) told me she was in town for a reunion with girlfriends she hadn’t seen for close to 30 years. “What brought you to Chicago for your reunion?” I pried half-interested secretly hoping I could fake a deep sleep once we took off. “My friend’s daughter was supposed to get married this weekend but her fiancé canceled the wedding four days prior.

Ouch-a-ma-goucha.

Out of no where, I smelled a deliciously fragrant blog entry forming. She went on to tell me far more than I really should’ve known. I felt like my hair dresser who knows way too much about me. If gossip had a price tag she’d be charging me a hell of a lot more for my partial highlights and blow out.

“Go on girl”.

And she did. I learned about the fiancé’s gambling problem, his insatiable desire to never move out of his mom’s house, and his poor credit score that made him unable to co-sign on their newly purchased condo.

After we took off and she fell asleep I felt guilty – but also inspired to tackle the topic from both sides. As a woman (and if you are one reading this entry you probably still have a look of horror on your face) we immediately are angry at the guy. “How could he do such a thing?”

But let’s really dissect this one. The whole living with your mom thing just screams “run” especially at 32. Yes, I also learned his age.

But the cancelling of the wedding four days prior? Yes it’s hurtful and unforgiveable. But what is the alternative? This guy marries the girl, cheats on her, is unhappy, gets a divorce anyway and she’s left holding the bag.

This girl clearly dodged a bullet. A nuclear missile perhaps. Before we go judge and assume he’s a loser, dirt bag, jerk, or pond scum even – think about the bigger picture.

You say, “That was so wrong, girl!” and then put some more foils in this lady’s hair.
I say hurtful indeed. But at the end of the day she deserves better.

And as cliché as it (always) sounds on the receiving end, everything happens for a reason.

Whistle While You Work

When I was in high school I took two buses and a train to get to and from school. My total commute was close to two hours long and during that time I was forced to wait patiently on the street for the CTA bus or train to get me to my final destination.

Waiting on the street has its ups. In the summer you get a solid three hours outdoors in the cool breeze and warm sun. It also has its downs. For those of you that know Chicago, you know our winters are brutal and unforgiving (sort of like these white pants I bought last year from Ann Taylor).

Probably more brutal were the long waits and the cars that drove by whistling, honking, and making kissing noises.

Why do guys do this? You don't see any woman hanging out of their car windows motioning lude gestures and saying, "hey baby wanna ride?". We're not really programmed that way. Now that's not to say that all guys are. There are plenty of gentleman who are fully capable of walking down the street and not commenting on my backside (single girl pants fitting again btw!).

Have you ever walked past a construction site? It is like you were the last woman on earth and they are all fighting for your attention. If you're single girl pants aren't fitting that day it might be a nice ego boost. If you're just trying to get to work it's pretty damn annoying.

I say we flip the script. Throw on our yellow hard hats and reflective vests (Does this jack hammer make my butt look big?) and hit the streets to return the oh-so-generous gesture of whistles, cat calls, and smooches.

Or maybe we just go about our days. Holding our heads high, carrying ourselves as ladies as we walk down the street and pay no attention to the stares and drool dripping on the cement.

And if you just can't simply look the other way - then take a new route to work and cross your fingers that no new buildings are going up on your path.

Music to my ears

Did you know that someone can be sensory dominant? Like your touch or taste has more impact on you than what you see or hear.

Yeah, okay I totally just made that up but it was pretty believable right? It sort of makes sense.

We have 5 senses (duh) but they are all amazing.

My strongest has to be either smell or sound. It's a toss up. For me the smell of someone or something can trigger memories 20 years back and can send me into another world.

Try it.

Go to the department store and spray a perfume that you used in high school or college. What does it do? It sends you back. It takes you back to warm summer nights, long afternoons outdoors, and time spent with people that were part of your life at some point, changed who you were, and whose actions molded you into the person you are today.

I dare you.

Tonight is a Thursday night (but feels like Friday) girls in. I've got a glass of Pinot and a credit card linked to my itunes account. Dangerous combo if you ask me.

I've got a long list of downloads; Michael Jackson, Spice Girls (yeah, I said it), some Luther maybe? Old school.

Tonight I go back 20 years - okay 15.

Another world.

Find your dominant sense. Go back into time with a great song, a sweet smell, a delicious taste, or a soft touch.

Find the music to your ears (or nose, mouth - you get the point).

Cheaters Never Win

Last night my good friend from the burbs spent the night at my place in the city. Its a monthly ritual of sorts; work out, order dinner, wine, and stay up late talking for hours. Not all of our nights in have been that routine of course. One night the wine flowed a little too much and we were cat walking in my kitchen at 1a.m. to Kelly Clarkson. Safe space. Don't tell.

Last night we talked about dating, sex, love (and ironically discussed which order those should come in). We got on the topic of cheating and what would be considered cheating. After my long term relationship I have a zero tolerance policy. I just can't let it go. She felt similarly.

What was interesting is how the concept and outlets for cheating have changed. With text messaging, Facebook,, tweeting and more, there are so many more opportunities and gray areas. I read online about sex messaging. People that have encounters via text. Well make sure that person is in your fave 5 and don't use up all your anytime minutes.

If your boyfriend (or girlfriend) flirted via text or online would you consider it cheating? Where do you draw the line in the sand? At the end of our discussion (and the bottom of our wine) we mutually agreed on the following:

Cheating is anything that you would not feel comfortable doing or saying in front of your spouse. It's sort of like that Aerosmith video-style dress that you wore back in the 80s with your big bangs? Just say no.

A back rub? Long lingering hug? Calling an "old friend"? If your partner was there would you still do it?

Think about your decisions and how they will impact other people. This is true in life - and not just in love.

Break-Up to Make-Up

If you're in a rush this Monday morning here's the short lesson:
Don't buy new make-up after a break-up with your partner.

And if you have time to read the long version, like to hear it? Here it goes:

Roughly four years ago I had a huge argument with my boyfriend at the time. I was working for a small hedge fund in Client Services holding down the fort, answering investor questions. That afternoon he and I got into a more than heated discussion about some of his "questionable behavior" and while he spent the rest of his day doing nothing, I had to suck it up and walk through some old guy the requirements of a QEP. That's "Qualified Eligible Person" for all you non-financial peeps.

After work I was broken, my eyes bloodshot, my nerves just simply shot. I headed over to the department store nearby and hit the make-up counter.

I was 99% sure the guy behind the counter was wearing eyeliner and mascara. He must be good at makeovers right?

I told him I wanted a "smoky eye". Warning: Never ask for a smoky eye.

I could've purchased a black eyeliner at the local CVS and done some experimenting at home. But my fractured heart (and ego) was telling me this called for a professional.

He sat me down, covered my face with some sludge that he called moisturizer - and began violating my face with pencils, brushes, paints, and something he called dust. Was this a makeover or a rave?

Color upon color was applied to my skin. Caking it on, still telling me along the way, "girl you are going to be smoky as all get up".

After 45 minutes my chair spun around, the mirror was placed in my hand and I was shown the casualties of smoky-eye war. Yowza.

With my bloodshot eyes and puffy face I looked like I had either just finished a night of hardcore drinking or an even rougher night of walking the streets.

Now this is four years ago so I handled the situation differently. If this happened today (first of all I'd do my own smoky eye) I'd say this isn't really what I wanted, wash my face, and nicely say no thanks to buying everything he used. Instead I thought, "hey this could work", whipped out my debit card, and paid $165 for make-up I would never use again.

Sometimes after a fight or break-up we do crazy things. After I ended things with my long-term boyfriend I moved to the south side of the city, bought a new car, rescued a miniature poodle named Bernard, and climbed Mt. Fuji. Oh and ran a marathon. You don't have to go that far.

After a break-up definitely take time to find yourself. Do something you'd never normally do. But don't (and I really mean this) ever hit the make-up counter, the hair dresser, or god forbid the tattoo parlor.

I forgot I got a nose piercing too.

You get my point.

Sexy Is As Sexy Does...

In this months issue of Women's Health magazine, an article asks men "What is Sexy?"

I've always thought sexy is more of a state of mind, a certain comfort in your own skin. Guys I've dated have said I'm sexy at the most inopportune times; cooking dinner, reading something with my glasses on, or even brushing my teeth.

The men surveyed indicated that there are things women do that are in fact not sexy at all; wearing high heels they simply can't walk in, rocking entirely too much make-up, and also showing too much skin in public.

My friend and I always joke about our single girl "uniform" of jeans and a cute shirt. It's a classic staple when going out - and when the event calls for it we may even break out jeans and a "cuter shirt".

When I've felt my sexiest it has been usually at a vulnerable moment. A time when I am truly myself, and completely comfortable. As women, we may think we know what's sexy but at the end of the day you just have to be you and know that some amazing guy will like you just as you are - and will find every quirky thing you do sexy.

I'm curious if the guys do in fact agree with this survey. What's the sexiest thing your girlfriend does? And ladies, what puts you over the edge (in a good way of course) about your guy?

Blame it On the Goose

We've all been there.
Beer Goggles (or red bull and vodka goggles).

I was perusing the About.com dating section and came across an interesting study:

"Alcohol affects how attractive we view members of the opposite sex, and more alcohol we ingest, the more attractive we find other people. But this phenomena seems to effect men more, and longer."

Interesting! While we're regretting how "feo" the guy was that we smooched, he's still reeling over how great we looked in our jeans (and slurring his speech simultaneously).

Oh it get's better:

"The researchers used facial symmetry to determine how attractive the men found their female partners, and easily determined that more alcohol equaled less ability to determine symmetry. This would explain why men will pick up women they normally wouldn't find attractive when drinking with friends in a bar."

This reminds me of a hilarious SNL skit I saw where the guy picks up the girl in the bar and when closing time comes, the lights go on, she is actually an overweight guy dressed like a woman.

"But another study undertaken also in 2008 found that the beer goggle effect wore off with female drinkers by the morning after, whereas men were still seeing their partners from the night before - and any person of the opposite sex - in a more favorable light."

This is interesting. I would've guessed otherwise.

Beware of the beer goggles!

It's Friday, payday, and we all get a little silly.

And if Saturday morning rolls around and you roll over next to someone you don't recognize, follow the advice of a Mr. Jamie Foxx:

"Blame it on the al al al al al alcohol".

Convenient Excuses for Why Relationships Don't Work

I haven't really talked about the "he's just not that into you theory". If you saw the original SATC episode where Miranda had an epiphany about dating guys that never call back, you know that he's just not that into you can in fact be true.

But don't be fooled by the phrase. It comes in other packages, neatly wrapped boxes with bows, and of course random phrases that you will find yourself sharing with your many girlfriends.

He's just not that into you. Hmmm...

After the break up of my very long term, very rocky relationship a dear friend gave me the book and told me I should read it. I came home from work, plopped down on the couch (plopped as in elastic waist band pants in full effect) and started to read.

I sat there for 3 and a half hours and read the book cover-to-cover. I have mixed emotions about the book. There are some things that are no brainers, not rocket science, and unless you're an idiot (sorry ladies) should be fully aware of. There are other concepts that are just a little too simplified for my taste.

Things that make sense:

- If he's not calling you, he's just not that into you: Fair enough. If you don't hear from a guy for weeks on end you're probably not top-of-mind.

- If he's married (and not to you) he's just not that into you: Ok this is the one where I let out a huge "Duh!".

Things that I have mixed emotions about:

- The guy should always pursue the girl. I'm an independent, strong, and assertive woman. If I like someone they will know it. In the same respect, if I don't like them they will surely feel my wrath. Kidding, I've just always wanted to say "feel my wrath"

- If he's not calling you, he's just not that into you: yes, I know this was in the list above. But a literal interpretation of this would mean that you have to talk to him ALL THE TIME. How will you go to work? Brush your teeth? Pluck your eyebrows even? If you ALWAYS have a phone attached to your head.

- The simplicity of the book is a little too... simple?

This is what I mean. One thing I've learned about relationships (and probably the most important); They are complicated and above all else they are private. What goes on between two people is best understood by those two people.

Ladies we've been there; Share something embarrassing about your guy and your girlfriends support you any way you roll. Have a friend who gets cheated on? We tell her she can do so much better.

At the end of the day, and the convenient excuses for why he didn't call, YOU have to feel ok with what is happening in your relationship. Be prepared to hear your friends opinions and thoughts - but you make the choice. You decide if an every two week convo is enough or if you need more.

You have to be happy.

Fitness As A Substitute

First off, this stock photo is totally my body. Oh yeah, don't hate. Kidding.

In life we try and keep ourselves busy. We fill our time and space with things that make us happy, content, full, satisfied.

I typically fill my time with fitness - running to be exact. A few weekends ago I ran 3 miles Saturday morning and 6 miles on Sunday. I even tried to challenge myself by drinking a few glasses of champagne the night before. You know, just to make things a little more interesting.

Ive been trying to make my own fun these days. I mean single people cant sit around at home waiting for fun to knock on their door or send them a text message, right?

I'm averaging one date a week which I think is not too shabby. In the meanwhile I'm picking other things to do:

1. Running (check, clearly covered that one!)
2. Eating (ouch. This sort of ruins the efforts of #1)
3. Sleeping (Ahhh.... )
4. Watching TV (I'm addicted to the Real Housewives of New Jersey)
5. Shopping (The numbers on my credit card are worn of)

When we're not in a relationship we may substitute "relationship things" to make up for the void. I've heard rumors that people often times replace lack of sex with a whole lot of food. Remember Samantha in the SATC movie? Yowza.

If that was the case, my single girl jeans wouldn't even go above my ankles - but I'm not quite there yet.

Substitutions are just that. I've been over analyzing certain decisions thinking they make or break what's around the corner in my potential relationships. I'm sort of done with this theory. Kiss on the first date? If he likes you it doesn't matter. If he doesn't like you then you just got rid of a toad.

Here's the thing. You just have to be yourself. You have to follow your gut, find your substitutes, or just go for the real thing. I won't judge (wink).

Single Girl Returns from Vacation

I've just returned from a relaxing single girl vacation in sunny Miami, Florida. The weather was warm, the boys cute, and the drinks.. well you know.

I had originally planned to spend two and a half weeks in India volunteering but with the recent shift in the economy and rescuing my little guy Bernard I had to re-evaluate my vacation choice.

I decided 5 days poolside would do me just fine. I canceled my India trip and quickly booked a direct flight to Ft. Lauderdale and car service to my hotel in Coconut Grove.

Here's the short lesson: Vacationing alone as a single girl is scary.

And here's the long one:

I checked into my hotel room in front of a gentleman who was visiting from El Salvador. At some point during my check in he figured out my room number and called me three nights in a row soliciting dinner and/or drinks. I declined only because he was sort of creepy and because you just never know what people are capable of. By day two I was dodging him in the hotel in my sunglasses and trench coat. Well OK, just sunglasses.

Two nights I went out for dinner alone. On my last night in the Grove I was sitting waiting for my server to bring me a menu. She walked up to my table and said, "Is it just you? Are you ok eating here all alone?" In my head I thought I was until you came up to my table and made such a big deal about it.

Within 20 minutes of all my "dining out" experiences, some random older gentleman would sit down at my table to not only pay for my dinner but spend an hour talking my ear off. It was awkward but very cost effective.

My vacation was 5 days and amazing. Long walks outside, runs at the gym, swims in the pool, watching movies, and reading books. The men were not so amazing.

Here are my top three rules for you single girls vacationing alone:

1) Make sure you stay safe. I won't get into too much detail but my hunch is that the guy from El Salvador had other intentions. Don't find yourself on the side of a milk carton.
2) If you dine alone choose to sit at the bar. There's a lower chance that a random man will sit next to you and talk your ear off. And the bar is the single person seat of choice. You can read a book, watch TV, and no one will notice.
3) Finally, do anything and everything that makes you happy on your single girl vacation. If it means taking a few days off and watching movies at home - do it. Your vacation is just that. Yours.

I'm back in the windy (and terribly muggy) city. Back to the life of the city girl.
The single girl pants are fitting snug again (bummer) but give me a few days and they'll be back in line.

So here's to you and your single girl vacation. Take at least one a year. Alone.
And do everything you've always wanted - except of course dining with random old men.

Get Out There Single People!

On Sunday after a painfully long run, I met a few friends from my old job for mexican and margaritas in Lakeview. One of the friends I see roughly once a year (she has kids, a busy social life, and our schedules never seem to sync up) and the other friend I chat with on the phone and email frequently.

After lunch and a "big as my head" margarita we began talking about our dating lives. One of my friends indicated she wasn't seeing "anyone special". I thought, why spend your time seeing someone if they're not special? Do people really date luke warm partners just because they'd rather not be alone.

Get out there single people! There's like a million babies born a minute. Wait - that didn't come out right. What I'm saying is there's always another guy or girl ready, waiting in the wings for a date with YOU!

Dating feels like a damp towel lately. Smelly, heavy, and awkward. Here our some of my personal thoughts on ways men acan revive the dating scene and bring back the fun, flirtation, and (hopefully) get the girl:

- Flowers on the First Date: I asked my male friend why goes don't do that anymore. He said because it shows that you're too interested. Huh?

- Bringing Anything on the First Date (Part Deux): My friend said flowers on the first date or chocolate (love it!) indicate that you're trying too hard. Ok so here's the thing with trying too hard. Women think you're trying too hard if they don't like you. If you're the s%&@, have a good job, education, romantic, insert other quality, then they will be blown away by such a kind gesture.

- The Spontaneous Dip: Do you remember the old black and white movies where the guy would grab his gal (yes, they were called gals back then) and dip her in the middle of the street to passionately kiss her? THAT is what first kisses should be like. They should sweep you off your feet. Poo poo on guys that aren't comfortable with PDAs.

- The Next Day Call: I went out with girlfriends last week (single girl jeans are gettin' tight again!) and one of my friends mentioned the 7 day rule. What is this! Guys have some rule where they wait 7 days before they call? Oh and one of my friends searched the obituaries after not hearing from her date.

I think you hear what I'm saying. Gone are the days where you wait 7 days to show you're interested. Showing up at the door with your cell phone in hand - is out. Jeans and tees at the local pub for a first impression is just bad form.

If you're interested tell us! By the time 7 days pass we assume you're not interested (or dead) and we've already moved on. Texting your homies while you're on a date with us is rude. And offering to buy me an Irish Car Bomb or something that explodes when you drop it in my cup does not romance make.

Dating Due Diligence

Isn't technology amazing? These days I can communicate with my friends and family, order the latest wedge sandal and have it shipped in 24 hours, and even sell random things from my home on Craigslist. BTW I have a great carpet from Target that I'm trying to sell so email me. Cash Only. $120 OBO.

But with these great technological advancements brings more opportunities to be connected and of course more openings to interconnect in really obtrusive ways.

Take for example an article I read yesterday on the Dating section of About.com. Apparently cheating was the topic of choice for the day and a woman had written in to the community asking for their advice.

She was getting ready to move in with her guy and wasn't quite sure if he was ready. So instead of having a normal adult conversation with him or god-forbid telling him she had decided she just couldn't move in yet, she went online to Facebook and set up a ghost profile. Insert stage right: Can of worms.

She pretended to be a (probably blonde) woman who reached out to him to chat innocently about life and over a few weeks their relationship grew and she asked him (note he did not ask her) to meet her in public. The night that her FB personality was supposed to meet him, she invited him over for dinner. He told her he was really tired and was just going to stay in (this is where Id like to point out that his behavior went from innocent to questionable).

Anyway the article went on and on. She confronted him, he was pissed that she had done such a juvenile thing (I agree) and they duked it out in the alleys. No seriously. The article ended with this woman soliciting the advice of the online community asking us (people like me for heavens sake!) what she should do.

There are a few things that I pointed out in the comments and then self-servingly put in a link back to my blog (sneaky):

1. If you have to pretend to be someone you're not to get an answer from the person who you intend to spend the rest of your life with, maybe it's time for some relationship inventory.

2. I am not siding with the guy. What he did was dishonest and questioned his trust. He could have just as easily said he was meeting a friend, etc.

3. If you're asking the world wide web whether or not you should trust your boyfriend, I'm going to go out on a limb and say ummmmm no.

I went out on a date with someone and he told me that he had googled me before he met me. He apparently was looking through my race times, my old blog (which he told me he didn't read much of because he got bored), and making sure I wasn't a crazy person. He asked me if I Googled him as well. I told him, if I want to know something about you I will just ask you.

So what's the point of all this Googleing, Facebooking, etc? Well if you Google me, there are results for someone with the exact same name - and she is married. There are also results for me, my family, and people I've never met before.

The point here ladies is that the world wide web should be what you use to email and read the news - not what you use to base your relationships. People have skeletons, fair enough. But if you have doubts or concerns why not take it old school (think 2way pager) and ask your partner directly. And of course if you don't believe him go online and Google away.

My Good Friend, Rose (Colored Glasses)

A few months ago I went online for love. Yeah, I said it!

It didn't work out for me. I dated someone hot and heavy for two months and then he vanished into thin air. He resurfaced a few weeks ago and while I wont get into details lets just say that I probably wont hear from him again.

During my 2 month infatuation I toted my new romance to one of my friends. It was fun, flirty, and full of excitement. It motivated her to get online as well.

Somewhere between the time he slipped into the online abyss and she entered her credit card information for her monthly love subscription, the tables turned.

My door closed and her window opened.

My friend who I often refer to as "rose colored glasses" found a fantastic man who likes her exactly the way she is. It's still early in their relationship and they are learning more and more each day (I know this because I hear it on our way to work, text messages, emails and phone calls).

But I see in her what I see in many.
I see love.

Now what will happen with rose colored glasses? Only she and her guy will know. But I do know that I am truly happy for her and hope I will find the same even if for a short period of time.

If you asked me six months ago I'd be a complete skeptic.
Now I'm a realist.
Love is real.

So here's to my friend Rose and her fantastic glasses. I'm putting my pair on (behind closed doors of course) and I'm excited to see what's around the corner.

And look how well that turned out!

Quote from Norman Bates, Psycho (1960): "A boy's best friend is his mother."

And there you have it my female friends.

The Serial Dater

First dates are plentiful.

Long term commitments are few and far between.

The serial dater is a man to be feared. He's (usually) tall, dark, and handsome and has a certain "I'm a good guy but give me one week of not calling you and you'll want me more for some weird reason" air about him.

He approaches dating with a certain je ne sais quoi that is irresistible and undeniably intriguing.

But beware my precious friends. The serial dater comes with risk.

1. You may wake up one morning and realize you've been dating someone that will never commit. Oh and then you'll head out the door to appear on Maury Povich.

2. You'll find that you're more of yourself when you're with him but you're completely lost when you are without him. And anytime I reference lost in my writing please know that I don't mean this in a romantic way. I mean you really don't know your head from your ass.

3. The serial dater will never be satisfied. You could work out, study, make money, buy new clothes, throw back beers with Ghandi and you would still not be enough woman to win him over.

4. You'll mark your calendar on the dates that you've communicated (usually only by email or text because the serial dater doesn't know how to communicate using his mouth) and/or had an outing to ensure that your relationship is still in fact breathing.

Now before I hop off my soap box (it's quite comfy in fact) may I just say that the serial dater may have a love out there for him.

He may be satisfied with a woman who doesn't believe in marriage (unless he proposes). She will be conveniently noncommittal and will secretly pray at night that he'll realize she's "the one".

I loved a serial dater who held my heart for many years. And at the end of the long road I knew that I was wiser, stronger, slightly skeptical, and had a few more stress lines on my face.

So beware the serial dater and his ability to "woo" for he'll love you always, treat you kindly, but he'll never commit to you.

Please, Don't Keep Me...

First off, do not sit around waiting like this woman did. Clearly the guy was just not that into her.

Last night (Friday) I had a really fantastic first date. He was handsome, incredibly smart, funny and a whole lot of other things.

My last post highlighted insecurities we face before the first date - but I didn't even scratch the surface on what happens after the date is over.

If you meet someone and hit it off you're excited for sure. You end the night with a sense of accomplishment, "Yes, there are normal people in this world" you think to yourself. You head home floating, hair still looking flawless, and ready to call it a night. A good one.

The morning comes and while still slightly floating (possibly from the numerous glasses of champagne you shared) you start your day with a series of questions;

Did he like me? Will he call me? Did I wear the right thing? (See this post for more on that). Some of the strongest women can hold their own in this world (me) but still wonder what will happen the days after you part.

The waiting game is hard. It's tedious. It's silly but somehow necessary. If he called you 30 minutes after you walked to your door you might think him to be a bit needy. If he didn't call you for a week you might be needing him when really you could care less. As women, we likely won't be satisfied either way.

I don't believe in rules. Kissing on the third date does not a long-term commitment make - nor does going crazy on the first night. I guess I'm just saying no matter what decisions we make we'll still be faced with the waiting. The wanting. We'll still be faced with the inevitable waiting all for the sake of meeting the mate of our dreams and hoping (s)he feels the same.

So don't watch the clock. Don't check your phone ringer. Don't make calls / texts out to your friends to make sure the towers are still in tact. Just enjoy the process, the time between what happened and what's to come.

The universe will sort everything out.

Does this date make my butt look big?

This week I had a first date. My guess is there won't be a second one but hey, you do the best you can, right?

The hour or so before there I was standing in front of an open closet perusing every piece of clothing I have. Unsatisfied. Wanting more. You know that feeling.

I had just bought a dress over the weekend and in the fitting room it looked very mod, flattering, tres chic even.

And then I put it on at home. It was like a garbage bag with a huge tie around the middle. The only flattering part was I now looked like a bona fide "cinch sack" and I was growing frustrated as the time to meet my date got closer.

Who knows if he didn't call back because of my hefty bag or maybe my split ends. The fact is that we (as women) tend to second guess or fabulousness on first dates. We're worried about what to wear, how to style our hair, and what perfume to spritz.

I always second guessed wearing jeans on a first date because I'd be categorized as a "jeans girl". But if I wore a dress I'd be categorized some other way. The truth is you can be categorized any way you cut it. So at the end of the day you just have to wear what's right, what suits you, and be who you are.

Tomorrow is another first date and I couldn't be more excited. I will approach it differently. I wont think too hard. I wont under plan. I'll be exactly who I am - and who I've always been; a girl who is smart, strong, sure of herself. A fantastic person who can roll with the punches, hang with the boys and giggle with the girls.

So be yourself. Wear your jeans and tank top - and wear them proudly. Sport your LBD and rock it like it's the last one on earth. Do what feels right. Wear what feels good.

And don't worry about the rear view.

(No More) Runnin' On Empty

Last night I was out for my evening run, down Michigan Avenue in the (semi) summer heat. Side note; the single girl pants are fitting more loosely these days. Less single girl days out more single girl hitting the pavement.

Running down the street dodging cars, I approached the Art Institute and glanced over at the steps. Normally you'd see the accidental tourist, high school kids posing for prom, and a few people from the suburbs staring at maps of the scary subway.

But this evening there was someone different.

A guy in jeans and a t-shirt sat on the steps looking around anxiously - left then right. He was waiting for someone, nervous, and not sure what would happen next. My eyes looked down for a moment and caught sight of something in his arms. He was holding (under a vice grip) a dozen roses wrapped in green paper tied with a simple bow.

He was waiting for love. He had traveled all the way downtown, to the steps of the Art Institute, and put himself in the most vulnerable position (between two lions) waiting for (hopefully) an amazing woman to show up with open arms.

In an instant my spirit was lifted and I thought back to an earlier conversation that I had with a friend, complaining about how I'm the only single girl left in the world. Yes, it was one of those days.

This was the motivation I needed. Not only did I finish my run 5 minutes faster than my normal time I also felt like I was being given a fresh set of "rose colored glasses".

When I passed the steps on my way home he was gone. I hoped with all of my heart that the girl he was waiting for showed up and that he didn't get stood up. Probably more for my sake than his.

To receive love you have to give love. And for someone to find you, you have to put yourself out there. So here's to the guys that are still out there, braving the rough city streets to wait on steps - between two lions - for love.

p.s. If you're out there "guy waiting on the steps" and she never showed up, email me.